I Moved

If you're reading this that means you probably almost care about me. If that's the case you'll be interested to hear that I've set up a new blog on Tumblr, more specifically adamhrabik.tumblr.com. So if you want to keep hearing what nothing is going on with me, head on over there. It's pretty neat.

These Things I Have Decided

These may or may not be true. Regardless, I have decided them.

• Jamie Lynn Spears is the anti-Juno. After Juno came out, something had to be done to remind us that teen pregnancy is still bad. (On a side note, conservative Christians argue that this child's life will not be ruined at birth, but that it was ruined from the moment it was conceived)
• Shaq is the NBA's family heirloom. No team actually wants him, but they'll feel too guilty if they just throw him out.
• Ted Kennedy and Brian Dennehy are the same person. Ted Kennedy's alter-ego Brian Dennehy was supposed to fight crime, but was misled at an early age, and is now an overweight character actor best known for playing Chris Farley's dad in a movie about brake pads.
• Wal-Marts must now contain everything ever. Last week I read that Wal-Mart will now start putting clinics in its stores. Doctors' clinics. Okay, I don't want my doctor shopping at Wal-Mart, much less working there. Is this 2008 or 1984? I can only assume the next step will come next year, when Wal-Mart introduces its line of Victory Gin. The following year, it will announce the construction of a store the size of Tuscaloosa, Alabama. What it won't announce is that the store will actually be constructed on top of Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Everyone in Tuscaloosa will live, work, eat, sleep, drink and cry in the Wal-Mart. And so the trend will continue across the world. (We are at war with Costco. We have always been at war with Costco.)
  

My Photoshop Got Photoshopped

About a month or so ago I parodied CollegeHumor's Parents Just Don't Understand column with this article. I photoshopped the logo they were using at the time to make this logo for the article. Well, last night I was checking out a few hotlinks and after a couple clicks this caught my eye. It's 23/6.com's attempt to parody CollegeHumor (which they failed miserably at). The second thing I noticed about it (the first being that it was not funny) was the first article they used, namely the logo. That's right, they had to splice my parody of the logo with the actual logo in order to make a worse parody. What the fuck, 23/6. That took me like ten, maybe fifteen minutes to make! You can't just rip that shit off and use it in something so desperately unfunny without at least asking me first! Seriously. I would be madder about this, but I just got off work and I don't really have the energy.

"Cloverfield"? More like, "Movie That Was So Amazing I Want To See It Over And Over-field"!

I saw Cloverfield last night and let me just preface all this by saying that short of a Cloverfield-esque monster attacking Omaha, nothing is going to stop me from seeing this movie again tonight. It is that good.
As you probably already know, the entire movie is shot from a hand-held camera. This might make some of you motion-sick. I get motion sickness pretty easily and I could definitely feel it about halfway through the movie--but that didn't stop me from loving the shit out of this film.
Here's the two key ingredients that make Cloverfield such a great movie:
1) Everything you hate about monster movies has been taken out.
There are no cliched meetings between politicians and generals, no rogue reporter/scientist who has the far-fetched solution to killing the monster, no drawn-out introductions about how the monster came to be. The only thing left is a group of five friends with one thing on their minds: "Holy shit. A one-thousand-foot monster just destroyed our city. Let's not get fucking killed by it!" Which they find much more difficult than you would imagine.
2) Everything you love about monster movies is still there.
YES, YOU SEE THE MONSTER. I won't describe what it looks like, partly because I really can't--it's like nothing I've ever seen before. And it's scary. Imagine the most disturbing, deadly monster/creature you've ever seen in movies or on TV, and now imagine it 1000 feet tall, smashing through the city where you live. And you don't have to wait an hour to see the monster. After 20 minutes of movie, it makes you FEEL the monster. This movie is scary on a level that has never been touched by cinema before. It's the first legitimately scary giant monster movie I have ever seen.
Bottom Line: If you have only 8 dollars left and you must choose between seeing this movie and feeding your family tonight, you should probably buy a nice $8 dinner. But otherwise, see Cloverfield, you fucking cheapskate.

Congratulations, You're The 1,000,000th Person To Blog About "Zeitgeist - The Movie" Telling Everyone They HAVE To See It! You Win A Free Hat!

Yeah, I kinda missed the boat with this one (same thing happened with My New Haircut, which was slightly more controversial). Anyways, if you're one of the three people who read my blog and you haven't seen Zeitgeist yet, you definitely should. It might not change any of your beliefs, but it'll certainly make you see them differently. For example, I found out that my morning ritual of worshiping Horus the Sun God was a bit superfluous, as the sun is probably going to come up regardless. But other than that I really don't 9/11 WAS A CONSPIRACY VOTE RON PAUL think it changed me that much.

Barack Is A Racist?

That's what this ridonkeylips email I got from my mom this morning says. What's scary is I don't know if she took it seriously. What I do know is that there are some fucking morons out there.

Obama mentioned his church during his appearance with Oprah. It's the Trinity Church of Christ. I found this interesting.

Obama's church:
Please read and go to this church's website and read what is written there. It is very alarming.
Barack Obama is a member of this church and is running for President of the U.S. If you look at the first page of their website, you will learn that this congregation has a non-negotiable commitment to Africa. No where is AMERICA even mentioned. Notice too, what color you will need to be if you should want to join Obama's church...B-L-A-C-K!!! Doesn't look like his choice of religion has improved much over his (former?) Muslim upbringing.
Strip away his nice looks, the big smile and smooth talk and what do you get? Certainly a racist, as plainly defined by the stated position of his church! And possibly a covert worshiper of the Muslim faith, even today. This guy desires to rule over America while his loyalty is totally vested in a Black Africa!
I cannot believe this has not been all over the TV and newspapers.
This is why it is so important to pass this message along to all of our family & friends. To think that Obama has even the slightest
chance in the run for the presidency is really scary.
Click on the link below:

This is the web page for the church Barack Obama belongs to:

www.tucc.org/about.htm

So Barack is a racist because he goes to a black church? Isn't that claim in itself racist? If not, it's at least fucking stupid.

My Cartooning Debut

I should mention that I can't draw for shit (except for dinosaurs, ironically). This cartoon was drawn by my friend Kevin. I also posted it here.

Yay! My Blog Has An Artsy Name Too!

I think I was inspired to change it after coming up with the idea for my newest CollegeHumor article, Roommate Confessions: Harrison Ford Edition. The logo for the article really demonstrates just how bad I am at Photoshop. I mean, I can Warholize a picture of Barack Obama's head, but that's about it.

Also, I just realized that 99% of blog names could double as indie rock band names. Sadly, mine has joined those ranks.

I Need Something Better To Do

I was bored last night, so I took all the fight scenes from the movie Equilibrium and set them to music on this video. It wasn't until I uploaded it that I realized I was about the 30th person to do this. Still, I think mine's better.

You Might Be An Incredible Actor If...

As a follow-up to my last blog (because I have just so much to talk about), this is my second-favorite piece of movie trivia of all time. From IMDb again, a quote from Harrison Ford, on trying to break into the business:

"[After his first screen test] The studio guy told me, "Kid, you have no future in this business." I said, "Why?" He said, "When Tony Curtis first walked onscreen carrying a bag of groceries -- a bag of groceries! -- you took one look at him and said, 'THAT'S a movie star!'" I said, "Weren't you supposed to say, 'That's a grocery delivery boy?'"

Since I can never hope to be as cool as Harrison Ford, I at least hope that I'll someday be as witty.